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I came I saw I ate evweything

Today I left home a boy, but came home a man. A wing eating champion man! So went over to kunnaras job just because only to find out that they now have a wing eating challenge. 12 wings in twelve minutes. But there is a catch these wings are smoothered in a fiery hot sauce made from the Mexican devil pepper. The hottest pepper in the world. When I walked in there a guy trying the challenge already. This big ass mothefucka was stright up crying. Takes a bite out of the seventh wing and gives up. Clearly this was a lesser man, and it was my responsibility to put him in his place. So I accepted the challenge and 11 minutes 30 seconds later I was licki
ng my fingers clean a champion. Got my picture on the wall and a wing eating champion t-shirt on my back. Yea today I came home a man.

…

So im taking care of Tony’s cat while his parents are at his place visiting and I thought it was going well. The cat is kind of quiet but it seemed like nothing to be concerned about, just a quiet cat. But than I noticed when my mom or sister is around it’s all exited jumping around letting them pet her and shit. If I so much as look at her she gets all quiet again and gives me this weird look. Its all like “hey man, do you like tricycles? Cuz your being a third wheel, mothefuka! “. So you know, this kind of hurt. I thought this cat genuinely didn’t like me. There was nothing I could do about it though so I left it alone for the rest of the day and eventually I ended up in bed. But than something weird happened - this damn cat was all up in my business. Walking on my bed, sniffing my face, trying to sleep at my feet. Why all of a sudden every thing had changed? Yiu know why? Well let me tell you why! No pussy can resist me in bed! Word.

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